Hi hi hi hi hi!
Okay so first things first. Mama. All last week I was thinking primarily about what I said in that e-mail last week. I have been praying and praying and thinking and pondering and studying the scriptures trying to have that assurance that God is real and that he lives and loves me and knows me - and that relationship has developed. I feel like I know him and can feel him telling me what I need to do, what I need to improve on, how I can be better, it's crazy. But on Wednesday, we had district meeting, and I went and got flogged (stood up basically) for a couple appointments and then came home, kind of disappointed, for lunch. I walked in and there was a letter waiting for me. So I unwrapped my Subway Sandwich and started to read. What I read was one of the most inspiring things I've ever read mama!
I don't know if you knew when you sent it that what you talked about is basically what I've been thinking about for weeks. Differently from you I feel like I have felt the Spirit and the power of god manifested in many instances in my life. But now here on a mission I am actually trying to find him, and know him. But Mama I was searching and searching for an answer. I was praying to receive a witness. I felt him and I knew he was there and I could feel the voice of the spirit whisper things to me. But I came home on Wednesday and sat down and read your letter and I cried, I wept actually for a good 45 minutes and read and re read it and let the other Elders read it. I don't know if you kept a copy of it for yourself but you should. It was very poetic actually.
There was one paragraph in particular that hit me the hardest. You started by saying that you could not tell me of a specific moment where you knew that God was real and that he lives and loves you, but over the years of dedicated service and striving to do what's right, your testimony has developed into a knowledge that he lives and he loves you and that hit me so hard.
You also talked about faith. And how moving forward with energy and earnest desire in the absence of proof IS Faith. You must be very inspired mama because on Wednesday I was going on splits with Elder Wright to teach Sarah, who is on the verge of being baptized, but is holding back because she is not sure if she knows for sure it's true, but she feels the Spirit and the happiness that comes with church members. So I read her your letter. (I hope that's okay) and it hit her quite strong. She said that it was quite the coincidence that I received that letter the same day that I was going to visit her. I told her it wasn't coincidence, but that my mother is an inspired woman.
Anyways Mama that letter was beautiful thank you. It touched me deeply and helped me to know that Heavenly Father knows me and loves me too.
Yes I got the movies and the pictures thanks!
Okay story. This week I have had several experiences that have made me more angry than I have ever been in my entire life. It's something I have felt the whisperings of the spirit tell me I need to work on: being less angry. Even though I have good reason to be....
Anyways one evening we stopped by the house of a woman who we had met on her doorstep once before, and she invited us in for a cuppa and to warm up (we asked for hot chocolate instead). We came into her living room and there was a man there, who I soon learned was Margaret's (the woman who's house we were in) ex - husband. I asked his name, he said Peter, but he refused to shake our hands. He then proceeded in the most vulgar way I've ever heard, to completely bash our purpose for being missionaries and our entire religion as a whole. I cant remember a lot of the details of the conversation, what I remember really well is that I argued with him intensely. It rose to the point where we were full on yelling at each other and very aggressive. Luckily as missionaries we are not alone. Elder Faingata'a reigned the situation in and started testifying like a boss like he always does. Only then did I realize that my arguing had completely driven the spirit from the room - because I felt Elder Faingata'a bring it back.
So I sat down and apologized, but then also bore fervent testimony. Peter, who told us his name was actually John (so I'm pretty sure it wasn't either of those) would have none of it.
We wrapped it up, and explained our purpose, which Margaret was very interested in and told us to come back when her ex - husband wasn't there. He was furious and angry and on the brink of violence with us. Anyways we left. While walking away I felt the most anger I have ever felt in my life towards any one person. I was very tempted whilst in that house to stand up and punch that man in the mouth, that's how disrespectful he was being.
Nonetheless I have learned from my mistakes not to become angry, for it drives the Spirit away. So words of wisdom:
''Don't get mad because it be bad''
Also I know that God is real and he wants the best for us, but I also know that Satan is real. He seeks for people to be miserable like he is. He tries really really really really hard to get people to do the wrong things. People like Peter/John are listening. Things keep happening to our investigators that make it hard for them to come to things or have lessons. Everytime something important that will help them is coming up, like a billion obstacles get in their way. It's frustrating. This Thursday was the first addiction recovery class. Vida didn't make it. Next week though! She came to church again so that was good!
All in all, it was a hard week, but a good week. We knocked on a lot of doors....
Like a lot. Probably 3-4 hundred.
And dad send me that talk s'il vous plait. I would love to read it. I know too how important it is for me to recognize that it is the Spirit that teaches, not my persuasion. i have learned that lesson well.
Also Happy Birthday Dad!!! (In two days)
Love you guys!
It snowed here for like an hour but then melted right away...